I find happiness in myself when I am honest with myself, and that is a brave path. You can be happy if you are wrong according to modern ideas. Why frame yourself like that, why live your whole life according to some ideas? Every breath, every mouthful eaten brings us closer to death, but as long as there is this life of the body, there must be moments of pleasure. The great wisdoms of life, the wise insights of dying people, are that everyone should live according to his own code. The craziest regret is that I have not lived my life the way I have.There is no criticism of the way you live your life, the main thing is that it is YOUR life, not the life dictated by others.

- You said that happiness is having the courage to say Stopif you feel it's not your code. Years ago you said Stop also to my spiritual teacher from Russia at the time, whose teachings you had followed for ten years.

- It was my greatest, deepest spiritual disappointment. I already had the idea of a hospice, but my false spiritual teacher asked, "Why do you need to take care of the dying?" At that moment my eyes were finally opened. I am very rational, with a logical mind, but for ten years I was absolutely Retrieved from. One of the greatest baits is a well-developed intellect - he had one, I was charmed by that - but it is not enough to have intelligence. But intelligence is femininity, empathy, respect, love - we women must not ignore that in ourselves. We have been taught since childhood to fit into the system, but fortunately we have a witch inside us who at one point says: stop, enough! You can shame me, but I will go no further than this!

It was no doubt extremely painful to admit to yourself that for ten years you had been wading through some swamp that had been dressed up in the most sacred names, but the real, intelligent knowledge had nothing to do with it... Of course, it was a deep hole for me, but it was also a very big lesson. I threw away all my notes and started again.

In fact, one of the biggest disappointments in my life is people who are on the path of spiritual development but are not living up to their potential. If you are an authority with a following, do and show something more than just a beautiful body in different poses and travelling. None of my so-called yoga friends are involved in hospice activities, and I have to ask: what exactly are they practising, what kind of spirituality is this? How can you measure how spiritual you are? What are spiritual achievements? What does it show? Diplomas on the wall? Sorry, sitting up straight in the lotus position is not spirituality, neither is scattering pearls of wisdom. How long can you meditate and go to India? I realised at some point - how far can one go with self-improvement? Spiritual growth is not spiritual growth if it is only focused on the self, on self-improvement. At some point this western egoism has to say Stop. I think that the deepest and most important point of all these teachings is to share what you have. If you have and give, you will not have less.

- You continued on this Vedic path, but with a different teacher.

- Ten years ago, together with a false teacher and other seekers of spirituality, we found ourselves in a local man's family in the pilgrim mecca of Nepal. The wife had set a table in the cold room around which we were seated, and the man asked each of us, "Who are you?" At that moment, it seemed like every neuron in my brain was exploding, because it was not a simple question. I listened to my companions tell me how old they were, what business they were in, what they had achieved, but... when it was my turn, tears rolled down my cheeks like beans, I honestly said that I didn't know my name because my soul had no name, that I was an eternal soul on my journey and I felt immensely blessed and grateful to have arrived there. Then everything opened up and clicked so that this old man from Nepal later became my teacher. I have never had such a connection with anyone. I can repeat: it is courage that opens the gates to happiness. It was my courage to be honest. Life offers us opportunities, happiness is not resisting and having the courage to accept what is meant for you.

I think happiness is when you seek and find the secret keys to open the ancient chests that have been inside you since birth. Those codes. You can think of it as a psychic stimulation programme, discovering things that strengthen you on your spiritual path. For example, my mother was never interested in India, but when she was pregnant she read a novel It's very useful (it portrays India as a destination of human quest, where no one can stay the same, - aut.).  We laugh that this is why I am like this. And yet, psychotherapy has only a hundred years of history, this knowledge has not been tested for generations, it's more like... quite militant, egoistic self Therapy. In fact, I have an inner conflict about it, because I also go to a therapist and hack myself up, but I cannot say that it has made me any happier deep down inside. But yoga seminars are also attended by psychotherapists, which shows that they, too, at some point have a desire for this ancient knowledge.

For example, where did we get the philosophy that at 18 you are independent, go away from your family and don't give it another thought because you are overwhelmed with new achievements? It all comes back in a very painful way when we are faced with illness and death. It is sad that we norokam centuries-old traditions, because nowadays it is propagated that you have to develop as an independent being, you have to prove something all the time, you have to be able to do something and you have to overcome yourself on some level. In the past, people lived together, in communities, where they supported each other.

In the East, it's still like that - the only family home packed with the new generations. If you go to a shop in India and it doesn't have the thing you want, the shop assistant will know immediately that your cousin's shop must have it, and you won't rest until you've had a look. Is that happening around here? Because there is not that supportive family, community system. I think that's also why we lose that real, deep sense of happiness, because there is no fundamental security.

Ancestors and their remembrance in general is a very important topic. I have always had an energetic opposition to the Latvian funeral and cemetery culture. I remember: when we were children, we had to go to the cemetery and the first thing we did was look for a rake or a shovel, because something had to be dug or planted, otherwise - what would everyone else think if the cemetery wasn't tended to! This means that even in the cemetery we don't have time to think about where we are and why, because we are so exhausted after what we have done that it is good to sit on a bench for a few minutes and then get out of the car. That is absolutely wrong!

A Nepali teacher visiting me asked where my ancestral memorial was at home. I looked with big eyes, because there is no such thing at home, so we have a cemetery! The teacher reminded me that in doing so we have deprived ourselves of an extremely powerful source of energy where you can plug in your battery like a socket and recharge yourself with inner wisdom, because ancestors are a high level of divinity. Therefore, the ancestors must be honoured, as humans have done for thousands of years. There is something intimate, an inner silence, when you light a candle in your home and think of the ancestors. I remember my ancestors every day and I feel supported since I do it. By performing these rituals, painful knots in the family are also untangled. The loss of rituals (of any kind, national or religious) destroys the deep sense of peace and therefore happiness. Finding that inner foundation is like weaving a solid carpet on which you can stand when life throws a heavy burden. Just like a loom, when you weave cloth, the foundations have to be firm, only then can something be made. The same is true in life.

- You have been on this spiritual path for more than twenty years, you have been to India fourteen times, Nepal six times, Tibet too. You have devoted a lot of your free time to it. What has all this given you?

- Why have people turned to spiritual practices for thousands of years? So that in a crisis (even when you are dying) you can stop the flow of your mind and lock yourself into the sacred state you are in during meditation. I have experienced this when a plane crashed and everyone was screaming, but I went into my sacred space and recited a prayer in peace. Then I was convinced that it was not all in vain. No matter what system or faith you are in, everyone should practice it. In hospitals, I see, for example, a Catholic woman who is happy when one of the volunteers is of her faith and they can recite a prayer together. It is a field of consciousness that she will enter when she dies.

- We have come to the topic of death. Why is it so important to talk about it, and why does society avoid it so much?

- Above all, a person is only truly alive if he is aware of his mortality, because death is like the engine of life. Accepting death gives life its flavour and makes the most of life's opportunities. Awareness of one's own mortality puts one in such an ethical frame. But Latvians have an incomprehensible mysticism and prejudice that when you talk about death, you can invoke something. In fact, it is an inner fear that is unpleasant to face. But if you delve into the subject, you can open it up like a book and discover amazing things and stop being afraid of death. Because death is guaranteed for all of us - shouldn't we be interested in it? That's why we also organise Cafes of Deathwhere anyone can speak freely and share their feelings about death and dying.

Just as our body knows how to be born, because it is a natural process in which nothing such from the outside, our body knows how to die. And that can be beautiful. Just as birth can be beautiful, death can be beautiful. Many authors have described it, and there are countless stories of clinical deaths that show that there is no need to be afraid, There all is well, There everything is safe. One enters a special radiation that is very warming, friendly and accepting. Why not prepare yourself for a conscious and beautiful moment of dying? It is just like giving birth. Knowing that the pain originates in the head, letting go of the pain makes it less unbearable - I found this out myself in my second childbirth. It is the same with death, when the cover of suffering is removed. But we Latvians, krāmējam death on top of suffering, we do not make room for all the beauty that belongs to this process. I really think that dying is a bright and noble moment to express love. Death is warm and wise. Death is to be respected.

- You have just compared giving birth to dying, and there was a moment in your second birth when the idea of a dignified exit - hospice care - was born.

- Yes, every child comes with his own story, Matthijs came with this one, and I respect that a lot. I know that I cannot ignore it. If I have an idea, a vision, then I have to take responsibility to make it happen. Matthias was born in a home birth, for which I prepared seriously, reading books, looking for trustworthy people. And in that sacred moment, looking into the eyes of a newly born child, when you feel that eternity is looking into your eyes, I realised in such an existential peace and depth that this is a similar note to that of dying. Death and childbirth are something very close. Both are the border where life and death meet. And just as when you give birth you are not sick, you allow the baby to enter this world through your body and you can do it at home, so when you die, you are no longer a patient, so you do not have to be in hospital, it is a very personal process, of course with appropriate and supportive staff. I had a team of four at my home birth, and so should the dying person.

A dying person who cannot be helped by medicine does not need to be in hospital, which is why an excellent system - hospice care - has been created and is operating in almost every developed country in the rest of the world to ensure a dignified exit for people of all ages. Mostly oncology patients, and as we know, cancer like younger and younger people with young children... Hospice is not so much a story about old people whose passing is a natural process, although they deserve to spend their last days in a cosy and peaceful environment - either in their own homes or in special hospice hospitals - rather than dying in a hospital corridor, as is often the case.

- We talk so little about such topics, so maybe it's a silly question - who can blame the hospital?

- My teacher died last year. When it happened, my wife was by his side in hospital for a week. As you know, Nepal is one of the lowest ranked developed countries in the world. Please, a mini-hospital where we can be there all the time! It is tragic that people who could and would like to be there at a time like this do not have that opportunity. The hospital system is set up in such a way that there are not even a damn stool to sit on because visitors are not welcome, it is a burden on the system. I can agree with that if there is treatment, but if a relative cannot be present at the death, it is not humane. We are fighting to ensure that, at least in palliative care units, people have the opportunity to live their last days side by side. Because dying is a multi-day process, you can tell when it is coming. What I have learnt from the deaths of more than a hundred people who have passed away - nobody wants to be alone when they die. Loneliness in dying is the craziest. Whether it's spiritual support or a loved one, the most important thing is to have someone there. And hospice can arrange that.

Even a dying person has a choice. But in the process of dying, we are deprived of the freedom to choose. The first freedom is about space - you have to knock on your door. In hospitals, this is not done. It is criminal to put dying people in rooms of five - someone can still squirm out. There you have to eat at a certain time and what they give you. You have no right to choose anything. You cannot choose who you will be with in your last days, or who you will enjoy your favourite food with one last time. I think that is cruel. In a hospice, these freedoms are preserved.

I understand those who have been caring for a dying person for a long time, but at the last moment break down and call an ambulance. It is fear provoked by love, not irresponsibility. Because it seems that the person is in pain, I am not good enough to care for him. Death has a physiology, but people don't know what to do because we don't talk about it, we don't care. But if we had a hospice in our country, a special care team would come (like in obstetrics) and take the person through the process so that they could die in their own home, in their own bed, like most everyone wants.

In an inpatient hospice, each person has their own room and relatives can live next door. The hospice has special beds, systems, oxygen, nurses, doctors and carers. In the kitchen you can bake something to make the house smell nice. You can ask to be pushed outside with a bed to watch the sunset...

That's the beauty of death - when loved ones have support, when they are not burnt out by caring. In a hospice, people do not scream in pain because they are numb, so anxiety is removed, and loved ones have spiritual support, they can really be together: talk, confess, forgive, remember the beautiful moments. Saying goodbye. Do what needs to be done in this process. To say they love one last time. But when you have to deal with all the domestic care, for example when a young man dies and your wife has to take care of him and two small children, it is a burden that takes away the wisdom of death. Hospice brings that wisdom back.

I am happy that more than a hundred people have had a different experience of dying, and that we are moving forward, one small step at a time, to introduce this here. Even though I am not a carer, I am not a medic, I have not been with anyone at the time of death, I am a spokesperson and a fighter against a dumb system, it is still a very deep sense of fulfilment and happiness.

- It sounds so strange - a deep sense of happiness so close to death.

- I'll tell you about the project Wishes Come True and Alexander, who was mint from one hospital to another, knowing there would be no miracles, but the doctors had fallen in love with this man - they suggested we meet. We both sat on a bench in the grounds of Hospital 1, I treated him to a cognac, and I understood why the staff had taken a liking to him, because he was such a decent man who stood up for the rights of nurses. We chatted for hours, because it's very important to let everything out. I found out that, as a keen catfish fisherman, he wanted to experience it again. Of course, I don't understand anything about catching catfish, so I call my friend Uģis, who calls me back in the evening and says: "Ilze, you can't imagine - I called one, then another, a third, what are they up to! Alexander will be catching catfish." Unfortunately, Alexander didn't live to see it. He was divorced and reunited with his family. On Feisbuk I found his son, who did not reply to my messages. I showed him what his son looked like and he asked me to print the photos. On the day that I took him his son's pictures, he died unexpectedly. A clot. Uģis organised Alexander's funeral on a boat with the hospital staff. When the pastor spoke, everyone was crying, I thought we were somewhere have sailed away... It was the most beautiful funeral... (A long pause of silence that I don't want to break.)

It is a story about death, hospice and the people who volunteer for these processes. It cannot be defined or explained, but it is a great blessing and happiness... Although not an easy one. Because happiness is not always easy.

*The conversation was published in How to Be Happy. Reprinted with SIA Media House authorisation.